...and my super sweet Mother in Law bought a cake, whip cream and berries because she didn't think I'd make a cake for my own birthday(have been since I was 20). 007 helped her put it together the last day we were at their house this past weekend.
Ok, now onto the musings part. It's more of a frustration. I'll preface this with, I don't need or want sympathy, but rather ideas. I'm having a hard time enjoying motherhood right now. In fact it's been like this off and on for the last six months or so. I've had some blood tests done and my thyroid is functioning normally, so it isn't likely chemical. I'm just wondering what do you do to find fulfillment while raising small children? The endless housework really don't help. I'll take a picture of the ever growing tower of unfolded laundry growing upstairs. I'd like to do stuff to help Edamame, but I am lucky if I can get on my computer for 10 minutes let alone enough time to search the internet for ways to help a soon to be 4 year olds mind to develop. Plus they seem to both be going through particularly needy phases right now. I love the hugs and stuff, but if I hold one the other must be there by himself instead. I just feel like I'm near the end of a proverbial rope. I remember seeing the news stories about women who hurt their own children, and I'm afraid of ending up like that. Getting outside helps. Having groceries delivered helps a lot(it means less wrangling to the store, and more time to play). I think I'm a bit jealous of seeing people going to grad school and learning, lack of adult interaction, and loss of sleep. Anyway, what do you do to feel happy? What do you do to enjoy being with your children?('Cause mine are funny, cute, and interact fairly well together...they are great kids...and Edamame tells me I'm a nice mommy frequently). How do you help your individual worth and feelings of self worth? I know it, but how do you make it sink in? What do you do on your rough days?
It may not help, that I've recently been disenfranchised and lost my drivers license as well...Thanks a lot America! Double thanks California!
11 comments:
I get in that funk sometimes, but usually get out of it after awhile. Hopefully the same happens for you.
As far as all the clutter, I have been trying to get rid of a lot of it so there's less to clean up. The stuff I don't want to toss but don't use daily, I put in storage boxes and put them away. I am sure that is easier said than done in Japan where you might not have lots of places for storage :( I also don't feel too bad setting Clara in front of the TV if I need to do the dishes or laundry. I find that putting on good music and cleaning all together as a family helps me feel like I'm not the only one doing "chores".
Getting out helps me a lot too. That also means less mess inside the house. Girls Night Out once in awhile helps lift my spirits.
Could you drop of your kids at the grandparents' once in awhile? I hope you are getting some alone time.
I think it helps to know that you are completely normal feeling the way you do. I think you are a great mom and am amazed at all the fun things you do with your kids. Wish we could have a playdate!
oh- today is just one of those days! I can feel your pain in EVERY SINGLE WORD! so I am eager to hear your responses because spanking, yelling and sending them to their room doesn't help at all! (and I dont believe in those stratagies!) so for me, I eat, a bag of cheetos and a snickers and a NAP! help me so much! maybe that is why I dont loose any weight anymore!
I remember this stage when the girls were a lot younger... in the winter. It's so hard because you get stir crazy... and I imagine cramped quarters doesn't help at all.
It was frustrating because you're tired... and just feeling not well...so it was hard to keep up with the clutter, cleaning... and that just made it even worse.
It sucks to be in it.
I know when things like this happened my hubby would go on a cleaning spree with me... and it made a huge difference. He'd also take the time to make me something yummy, take the kids upstairs or downstairs so I could have some alone time... or tell me to take a nap, get out of the house...
As for the self worth...be kind to yourself. This is but a moment, even if it feels like it's unending. You will make it through. But most importantly, be kind and patient to yourself too. Let it go, give it a break. Nothing drastic or horrible will happen if x doesn't get done, or you don't get to help someone with x.
I love Tuesday's with Morrie the book - where he says that he does take that moment every morning to cry, feel the emotions from dying from Lou Gehrig's disease... but then he finishes with that and decides to go on.
Do you think you'll ever move back to the US?
I'm right where you are at. Not even kidding. I just posted today something, that I think, is similar to how you are feeling. I find myself getting frustrated with my son quite easily. He'll stand next to me, when I'm at the computer and all I want is ME time and I tell him to leave me alone. I feel bad after I say it. I'm not sure what to do, but I wanted to tell you that you are NOT alone!!!
Thank you!! You've given me good ideas. When Grandma gets here we'll go through a lot of stuff and get rid of it. You've also encouraged me to expand my local support system. Thank you thank you thank you.
Oh and QS the answer is still one day. Though I think I want to have all my kids here. Any good jobs near you guys? ;)
When W was gone this last time I felt so much like that--especially the feelings of wanting to throw the kid through the wall. And then I would feel guilty about that, and that would make me feel worse. For me, I realized it was because I had, literally, zero time to myself. Luckily I was able to put her in preschool for a few hours a day and it made a world of difference to be able to exercise, grocery shop, whatever just by myself. Does your husband have a pretty set schedule? Could you arrange something where, at least once a week, you just got to go away by yourself for a few hours? Just walk or shop or go to the library and read? That helped me tremendously.
I go through this "phase" (though sometimes I think it never ends and is just something hard about being a mother) after every child. It just gets so hard for me sometimes. I TOTALLY relate. I actually just wrote a blog post (http://tinyurl.com/yz2zyvc) about finding your passion in life. I was actually inspired by a friend from HS. I gave the lesson to the YW and added some personal progress stuff in for them.... but it is TOTALLY useful.IMO.
This is not to say I still don't have issues of balance and the need for more "fulfillment." I think it has become especially hard with Chris being in school for what seems like eternity. Being on break from school right now, my mom dying. It just never seems to get better. It is so easy to lose motivation. Blah, blah, blah... I'm whining like my 2 year old now!
I think you already have some great suggestions above. Just thought maybe... I might be able to add something.
I agree with the de-clutter thing. I am going to lose it soon if I can't get the house clean again. I think you just need a good dose of Pam and you will feel better!
Pam - I totally missed my weekly dose of vitamin P...hope you guys had fun though.
Thanks Luna, I'll check it out at tonights late nursing.
LY - Oh thank goodness I'm not alone! I may have to find a day care center for a few days a week. It's rough since 007 basically is gone the whole time the kids are awake. He leaves right as they wake up and gets home after they are in bed...and he's exhausted too. I'll see what I can do!
having a schedule really helps esp the kiddos to know what they are going to do today. it doesn't have to be so specific like ever 15 mins but a similar am schedule and a pm schedule
books
coloring
clean up
nap
Pm
snack
outside time
cuddle time
creative time
movie time
dinner time
then a bedtime routine
Routines hlep the kids know what they can expect from you and you can plan some time in there for you too! --this lesson helped me so much as a first year teacher. The love routines.
OH play dates also help my sis in laws have time to run errands and they love the routine to of every friday at 12-2 is playdate.
Know there are people out there who want exactly what you have who because of health or lack of decent guys to marry (ha ha ha) are not enjoying the blessings you have. Thinking of how things could be worse sometimes help me forget my woes. =-) hope these suggestions helped.
I know what you mean. Sometimes I get confused on how could I not be enjoying my current children enough but still want a baby at the same time?! I have been praying a lot to have patience and to find joy in the little things in life. One thing, I think that gets me down is that I think about the future so much that I forget to live in the present. Something I'm always working on.
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